Monday, August 12, 2013

ARC Review: A Million Dirty Secrets (Million Dollar Duet #1) by C.L. Parker

The blurb as seen on Goodreads:
Release Date: August 27, 2013
Publisher: Random House
368 Pages

For fans of Fifty Shades of Grey and Bared to You comes a wickedly erotic new novel of innocence, desire, and unbridled pleasure.

Delaine Talbot has a secret. When a matter of life and death threatens to tear apart her family, Delaine makes the ultimate sacrifice. She auctions herself off at Chicago’s most exclusive erotic club. Now she belongs to Noah Crawford, a wealthy mogul who introduces her to a seductive feast of the senses, awakening desires she only dreamed about. 

Noah doesn’t know why Delaine sold her body for a cool two mil. But it’s the perfect business arrangement. The inexperienced beauty will learn to satisfy his every sensual need, yet never touch his heart. Almost immediately their relationship generates heat—in more ways than one. When they fight, they take no prisoners. When they love, they show no mercy. When they’re together, they never want to leave each other’s arms. But soon, their intense, physical bond will take an unexpected turn—evolving into something neither has bargained for: the promise of a lasting love.

There’s this little issue with pulled to publish fan fictions – no matter how much (or how little) you change it, it’s still taking someone else’s characters and trying to pass them off as your own. This is a major problem and the reason why it’s hard for me to support any of these. When you write fan fiction, you’re writing with a set group of characters that many people know going in, you get a little bit a leeway when writing because you don’t really need that much characterization. People already know them. However, when writing original work, you’re introducing brand new characters to people who have never heard of them. There needs to be strong characteristics and development throughout the book. The latter was lacking here.

A Million Dirty Secrets is the story of a millionaire buying a sex slave and despite all the odds, they *gasp* fall in love. Aside from this having been a Twilight fan fiction, I have no idea how this even got published – and by an actual publishing house. It’s so ridiculous and over the top, not to mention highly offensive and absurd. I didn’t honestly read the last half of the book, I skimmed it. I just couldn’t do it. 

Delaine sells herself to Noah to get money for her mother’s heart surgery – apparently not ever having heard that there’s something called a donor list that her mother would have to go through first. 

After being “purchased”, Delaine proceeds to be a complete bitch to Noah. Mind you, I do not agree with, nor do I remotely like anything Noah does, but her snotty attitude and “poor me” whining needs to go. Are we supposed to feel sorry for her? You did this to yourself; I have no pity for you. 

Delaine and Noah were very one dimensional characters, and not even original one dimensional characters. Delaine was the sweet innocent virgin who was just trying to do the right thing, but once she has an orgasm – WATCH OUT! A ‘sexual beast’ is born and she’s perfect at everything she does. Just a natural. (Fancy that.)

And Noah? Well, he’s the sex god who awoke the beast (as only he could). The perfect male specimen: rich, gorgeous, scared to love again because he’s been burned, and a penis that changes chaste virgins into horny sex kittens. 

None of this is original. It’s all been done before. Multiple times. Please let’s move away from this. 

The actual writing itself was another issue. The inner voices and dialogue between the characters felt forced, like the author was trying too hard to be witty and funny. Instead, it came across as childish and immature.

“…licking my chops when I poured the moo juice over the cocoa yumminess and it turned all chocolaty.”

“I mean, crotch docs saw a lot of snatch, so you had to wonder if yours looked any different…”

“He’s got some real potential to be all that and a bag of chips…”

That’s just a few.

The sex scenes were even worse:
“He pressed his hips forward and that thing in his pants nudged the girliest part of me.”

“…my tongue got its swirl on.”

How is that sexy?

This was supposed to be an erotica/love story, but how do you fall in love with someone you haven’t even had a real conversation with? The only thing that happened in this book was sex, snarky comment, sex, snarky comment, sex, poor me, sex, predictable angst, cliffhanger ending. 

Your love is invalid.
I received an e-copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

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